Alright, time to get serious....seriously

Alright, no more half-assing this.
I know I can do this. I just have to get my priorities straight. I can't keep using my work schedule as an excuse.
Newsflash - my work schedule is not changing anytime soon!
I have to make myself a priority. My health and what I want for myself. This means making weekly grocery trips, going to the gym even if I'm tired, going to bed at certain times, making myself leave work when I can, taking the extra 5mins to make sure I have food packed to take to work.
This is it. Has to be.
I have 3 weeks, I can realistically lose 6-9 lbs. This is my short term goal.
I know I can do this, watch my calorie intake - both not eating too much but also making sure I eat enough. Get to the gym. I know from past experience that the fat will almost fall off (that's kind of a gross way to say it..but they say it all the time) as long as I hit the gym.
Why is this so dang hard? I manage to make time to sit in front of the TV for hours on end. Watching crap like Real Housewives of Atlanta!?!?!?
Get it together!!

Ok need to hit RESET

Today was our 1yr Wedding Anniversary.
While it was always in the back of my mind, I did not follow what I should and should not be eating for most of the weekend.
ugh.
I dread weighing in tomorrow.

But the weekend was great. Not just because I ate pretty much what I wanted. Kyle and I had a nice weekend. Today it rained off and on all day. I made a pallet, watched movies all day. Then cooked out some fajitas....and then the top layer of our wedding cake for dessert!
Not the whole layer, we both only had a couple of bites.
So for this weekend and this weekend only....I put my goal on the back burner.
Tomorrow is a new day!

Part of my own therapy

So as I said before, I'm reading this book that really tries to make sense of why we do what we do for food....bad food.
There is a section about Entertainment. That section was totally for me.
I would rather go to a restaurant with a gimmick. Something that makes it "fun". Which I think is not a bad thing in itself, but when the food is bad and just because it's fun to go to and that is what makes the descision ...that's bad.
Also, about emotional eating.
For me, for as long as I can remember, Food brought family together.
Either at Grandma's around the kitchen table where all the girls got to catch up....with bottles of wine, veggies but with homemade ranch dressing or...
Nana's with an entire spread of food for EVERY meal or....
Dad going out to the coolest newest restuarant AND ordering appetizers and desserts or....
every birthday, holiday, family was in town...the thing to do was GO OUT to EAT.
Granted " hey it's your birthday, want to go for a walk??" Doesn't sound as nearly exciting or Practical for that matter. I think I have equated Food with good times, family and reuniting.
Then on my own I've realized that EVERY emotion makes me want to eat.
I eat for every possible reason - personal accomplishments as a reward or because...I'm mad, happy, sad, bored, anxious, have nothing else to do, can't sleep, anything and everything.
So this weekend - which by the way is our 1st Wedding Anniversary -
I'm going to be very conscious of how I'm feeling, if I THINK I'm hungry and what else can I do to satisfy that NEED. BECAUSE IT WONT BE FOOD.

What I've learned so far..sugar and cocaine??? read on

Just wanted to take a few moments and "talk" about some things I've realized lately.
1st - I'm reading The End of Overeating.
It's so far a pretty good book. I'm still in the first half of the book. So far, from what I can gather, is that the food/restaurant industry is taking advantage of our weaknesses. The book covers several ideas that have been tested with lab rats....how sugar, salt and fat basicaly re-wires your brain. Your basic survival mode is to eat when you're hungry. You start adding sugar, salt, fat...and you eat when you can get your hands on it. So restaurant chains have found ways to smother, stuff, and combine all of the sugar, salt, and fat they can into their food. Because they know it will bring you back. Just reading about some of the menu items covered in the book, I could feel my mouth start to salivate. No pictures, just words and I could almost taste the food.
One thing that is hitting home and that makes me feel like there is hope is the author basically explains that it is not that you don't have enough will power, the salt, sugar, fat combo is ADDICTIVE. There are studies he shows in the book that the rats work just as hard for a sucrose solution that they did for cocaine. WOW

Couple of interesting things that he points out in the book - I'm paraphrasing...

• 15-20yrs ago, the only ice cream you could get was vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry.
• Now there are ice cream concoctions like Chunky Monkey, Cookie Dough, Birthcake Batter??? "sugar, salt and fat in sugar, salt and fat" (is the books mantra)
• 15-20yrs ago, Pizza - pepperoni, sausage, or hamburger
• NOW - every meat you can think of on one pizza, BBQ chicken, Cheeseburger Pizza?? Oh then dip the slice in Ranch Dressing....again more ways to put more salt on fat on salt on fat
• 15-20yrs ago - did they have fountain drinks in 32oz and 44oz pitchers???
• Not to mention, supersize, biggie size, add-ins, add-ons, or combining anything and everything...chili cheese fries? OH and there is a commercial for Wendys with the idea of drinking a Frosty with a French Fry?!?!?
• Even if you think you are eating healthy...I think I read that McDonalds salad has just as much fat/calories as their Big Mac?!?! With all of the cheese, bacon, croutons, and the dressing....salt, sugar, fat.
• Also....it's cheaper for them to pack food with a bunch of crap. It allows them to freeze the food, then ship it to the restaurants where they will then re-cook the food in fat. UGH

The system is out there to make us fat and to fail.

Another point that is made is that as humans we have the desire or want for more.

More money, more things, more house, more car. Just More and more than you. So when we go to order a healthy portion of grilled chicken but there's a picture of a double meat double cheese bacon burger with a basket of fries.....for me at least, I struggle when I order because I don't want to "deprive" myself of food. I don't want to give myself Less than what I can Have.

I'm more aware of that now. Didn't realize that's what I was doing. I knew it was always struggle to order. I knew what I should have but then hearing or seeing what everyone else was ordering, I didn't want to "miss out". I put way too much importance on food.

Couple of outfits/looks I'm working for!!

Ok here is a great casual look with the "skinny" jean tucked in the boot. I have a long way to go for this to look even kind of cute. But LOVE the riding boots!!! Not the best picture to see the boots though. (would also like to point out that this model has no business modeling for Avenue...but anyway)
This is my favorite look and jacket!! Kind of a gun metal color! Love Love Love
This is my other favorite look. Layered on top with "Skinny jean/slim jean" tucked in the boot. Again have a ways to go but....I really like the way this looks on her.

Thurs morning

Ok so, I got a little behind with my blogging......so catching up now.

Weighed in on Monday.....down another 2lbs!!!

Also have been within my percentages on the calorie side!!! Keeping it around 30%fat.

Went to the gym on Tues, up'd my minutes on the Eliptical!!! Last week could barely get 15mins in, this week 22mins!!!!

Need to go to the gym tonight or Friday morning and again on Saturday to keep my 3 x week promise to myself.

Also, protein shakes seem to be helping in more ways than one.

One my crazy work days, they help to make sure I get enough calories in....but also, if my fat% is up and still need calories, the shakes raise my protein intake and bring down my fat%.

I already feel better, I'm sure most of that is mental. But I'm more apt just to do things around the house that need to be done, because sitting/laying on the couch all night is

NO LONGER AN OPTION!!!!!