Motivation is HERE!!!

Alright, time to get serious....seriously

Alright, no more half-assing this.
I know I can do this. I just have to get my priorities straight. I can't keep using my work schedule as an excuse.
Newsflash - my work schedule is not changing anytime soon!
I have to make myself a priority. My health and what I want for myself. This means making weekly grocery trips, going to the gym even if I'm tired, going to bed at certain times, making myself leave work when I can, taking the extra 5mins to make sure I have food packed to take to work.
This is it. Has to be.
I have 3 weeks, I can realistically lose 6-9 lbs. This is my short term goal.
I know I can do this, watch my calorie intake - both not eating too much but also making sure I eat enough. Get to the gym. I know from past experience that the fat will almost fall off (that's kind of a gross way to say it..but they say it all the time) as long as I hit the gym.
Why is this so dang hard? I manage to make time to sit in front of the TV for hours on end. Watching crap like Real Housewives of Atlanta!?!?!?
Get it together!!

Ok need to hit RESET

Today was our 1yr Wedding Anniversary.
While it was always in the back of my mind, I did not follow what I should and should not be eating for most of the weekend.
ugh.
I dread weighing in tomorrow.

But the weekend was great. Not just because I ate pretty much what I wanted. Kyle and I had a nice weekend. Today it rained off and on all day. I made a pallet, watched movies all day. Then cooked out some fajitas....and then the top layer of our wedding cake for dessert!
Not the whole layer, we both only had a couple of bites.
So for this weekend and this weekend only....I put my goal on the back burner.
Tomorrow is a new day!

Part of my own therapy

So as I said before, I'm reading this book that really tries to make sense of why we do what we do for food....bad food.
There is a section about Entertainment. That section was totally for me.
I would rather go to a restaurant with a gimmick. Something that makes it "fun". Which I think is not a bad thing in itself, but when the food is bad and just because it's fun to go to and that is what makes the descision ...that's bad.
Also, about emotional eating.
For me, for as long as I can remember, Food brought family together.
Either at Grandma's around the kitchen table where all the girls got to catch up....with bottles of wine, veggies but with homemade ranch dressing or...
Nana's with an entire spread of food for EVERY meal or....
Dad going out to the coolest newest restuarant AND ordering appetizers and desserts or....
every birthday, holiday, family was in town...the thing to do was GO OUT to EAT.
Granted " hey it's your birthday, want to go for a walk??" Doesn't sound as nearly exciting or Practical for that matter. I think I have equated Food with good times, family and reuniting.
Then on my own I've realized that EVERY emotion makes me want to eat.
I eat for every possible reason - personal accomplishments as a reward or because...I'm mad, happy, sad, bored, anxious, have nothing else to do, can't sleep, anything and everything.
So this weekend - which by the way is our 1st Wedding Anniversary -
I'm going to be very conscious of how I'm feeling, if I THINK I'm hungry and what else can I do to satisfy that NEED. BECAUSE IT WONT BE FOOD.

What I've learned so far..sugar and cocaine??? read on

Just wanted to take a few moments and "talk" about some things I've realized lately.
1st - I'm reading The End of Overeating.
It's so far a pretty good book. I'm still in the first half of the book. So far, from what I can gather, is that the food/restaurant industry is taking advantage of our weaknesses. The book covers several ideas that have been tested with lab rats....how sugar, salt and fat basicaly re-wires your brain. Your basic survival mode is to eat when you're hungry. You start adding sugar, salt, fat...and you eat when you can get your hands on it. So restaurant chains have found ways to smother, stuff, and combine all of the sugar, salt, and fat they can into their food. Because they know it will bring you back. Just reading about some of the menu items covered in the book, I could feel my mouth start to salivate. No pictures, just words and I could almost taste the food.
One thing that is hitting home and that makes me feel like there is hope is the author basically explains that it is not that you don't have enough will power, the salt, sugar, fat combo is ADDICTIVE. There are studies he shows in the book that the rats work just as hard for a sucrose solution that they did for cocaine. WOW

Couple of interesting things that he points out in the book - I'm paraphrasing...

• 15-20yrs ago, the only ice cream you could get was vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry.
• Now there are ice cream concoctions like Chunky Monkey, Cookie Dough, Birthcake Batter??? "sugar, salt and fat in sugar, salt and fat" (is the books mantra)
• 15-20yrs ago, Pizza - pepperoni, sausage, or hamburger
• NOW - every meat you can think of on one pizza, BBQ chicken, Cheeseburger Pizza?? Oh then dip the slice in Ranch Dressing....again more ways to put more salt on fat on salt on fat
• 15-20yrs ago - did they have fountain drinks in 32oz and 44oz pitchers???
• Not to mention, supersize, biggie size, add-ins, add-ons, or combining anything and everything...chili cheese fries? OH and there is a commercial for Wendys with the idea of drinking a Frosty with a French Fry?!?!?
• Even if you think you are eating healthy...I think I read that McDonalds salad has just as much fat/calories as their Big Mac?!?! With all of the cheese, bacon, croutons, and the dressing....salt, sugar, fat.
• Also....it's cheaper for them to pack food with a bunch of crap. It allows them to freeze the food, then ship it to the restaurants where they will then re-cook the food in fat. UGH

The system is out there to make us fat and to fail.

Another point that is made is that as humans we have the desire or want for more.

More money, more things, more house, more car. Just More and more than you. So when we go to order a healthy portion of grilled chicken but there's a picture of a double meat double cheese bacon burger with a basket of fries.....for me at least, I struggle when I order because I don't want to "deprive" myself of food. I don't want to give myself Less than what I can Have.

I'm more aware of that now. Didn't realize that's what I was doing. I knew it was always struggle to order. I knew what I should have but then hearing or seeing what everyone else was ordering, I didn't want to "miss out". I put way too much importance on food.

Couple of outfits/looks I'm working for!!

Ok here is a great casual look with the "skinny" jean tucked in the boot. I have a long way to go for this to look even kind of cute. But LOVE the riding boots!!! Not the best picture to see the boots though. (would also like to point out that this model has no business modeling for Avenue...but anyway)
This is my favorite look and jacket!! Kind of a gun metal color! Love Love Love
This is my other favorite look. Layered on top with "Skinny jean/slim jean" tucked in the boot. Again have a ways to go but....I really like the way this looks on her.

Thurs morning

Ok so, I got a little behind with my blogging......so catching up now.

Weighed in on Monday.....down another 2lbs!!!

Also have been within my percentages on the calorie side!!! Keeping it around 30%fat.

Went to the gym on Tues, up'd my minutes on the Eliptical!!! Last week could barely get 15mins in, this week 22mins!!!!

Need to go to the gym tonight or Friday morning and again on Saturday to keep my 3 x week promise to myself.

Also, protein shakes seem to be helping in more ways than one.

One my crazy work days, they help to make sure I get enough calories in....but also, if my fat% is up and still need calories, the shakes raise my protein intake and bring down my fat%.

I already feel better, I'm sure most of that is mental. But I'm more apt just to do things around the house that need to be done, because sitting/laying on the couch all night is

NO LONGER AN OPTION!!!!!

Tonights dinner and plan for next week

I want to start by saying I just had the best dinner!
First I went through the calorie counter, because we are having chicken fajitas, and Kyle bought chips and cheese dip.....I wanted to see what I could eat/couldn't eat and somehow stay inside my target....plan, plan, plan
So...I traded flour tortillas for crispy romain lettuce leaves. (They're leaves right?)
Anyway, so kinda like a spring roll, but mexican style. Then I took some bottled salsa (8cal a tbls) and added diced tomatoes, onions and jalapenos..to make it extra chunky, therefore feels like more. But hardly any calories...just watch salt in the salsa. I did add, 1/2 tbls of sourcream to each, but next time I know I can go without it. Plus no cheese, because I'm saving for the cheese dip...
OMG they were wonderful!!
The crispy lettuce was actually BETTER than the tortillas. No more of that doughy crap for me! They were a little messy and took some time to hold it just right...but filled me right up!
Then I instantly, while still full, re-evaluated my food diary. Right now, I don't even want the chips and cheese. Check back in an hour.
I am planning on having a protein shake for dessert, Kyle got ice cream...but I need the calories and protein to bring down my fat% intake for today.
MOVING ON TO GOALS FOR NEXT WEEK....
1. Get to gym at least 3 times a week - build up to 30mins on eliptical.
2. keep fat intake for the week no more than 30% of my calories
3. while at gym, scope out trainers also get as much free advice that I can
4. check out Zumba class at gym hope to join in soon
5. continue reading "Ending Overeating"
6. Remember how good it feels to choose what to eat, not feel like giving in to compulsive eating

Tomorrow is weigh in day, hoping to be down.
12 weeks til my birthday - goal to be down 20lbs!!!

YAY ME!!

Finally...I finally got my butt in the gym.

Woo hoo. I didn't do much. Well at the time it didn't feel that way, although I felt like I could do more, just wasn't sure what to do next. Plus didn't want to overdo it too much the first day.

So....to ensure that I continue in this journey, I will continue to fully document where I'm starting at, what I'm doing and hopefully show how far I will have come. So I've decided that in order to do that, I have to be completely open and honest. Otherwise I will make excuses, cover it up, lie....plus I figure if I post the most hideous pictures of myself, I will work extra hard to get to the better...lighter..healthier pictures of myself.

Here we go.....(deep breath)

Take a look at this!

Check out this site:
http://www.good.is/post/picture-show-visions-of-fast-food/?GT1=48001

Here's a write up about it...

Picture Show: Visions of Fast Food
Posted by: GOOD , Jon Feinstein
on September 16, 2009 at 9:30 am
In the short time since fast food chains have become part of our national (and global) culture, a number of burger shops have begotten some truly iconic–and insalubrious—food items, the mass production and marketing of which is utterly astounding. However, when removed from their brightly colored wrappers and shot against a stark, clinical background, as in the case of Jon Feinstein’s photographic series, “Fast Food,” the archetypal snacks and sandwiches take on a decidedly unsettling quality.
“There’s this weird relationship that we as Americans have with fast food,” says Feinstein, who titled each image with the given item’s fat content, in grams. “I made a project where the food mostly looks disgusting, yet some of it is still strangely enticing—probably because the branding is so embedded in our psyches.” He adds, “I may eat it on a lower frequency now.”
What follows is a selection from Jon Feinstein’s “Fast Food.”

Here's an incentive for ya!!!

4/27/2009--Introduced.Personal Health Investment Today Act of 2009 or the PHIT Act of 2009 - Amends the Internal Revenue Code to allow a medical care tax deduction for up to $1,000 ($2,000 for married couples filing jointly or heads of household) of qualified sports and fitness expenses. Defines "qualified sports and fitness expenses" as amounts paid for fitness center memberships, physical exercise programs, and exercise equipment.

Dang it!!

I need to stop talking the talk and walking the....well just plain ol walking!!
I didn't get in any real activity last week and now it shows on the scale. I'm up about a lb and a half. Which it could be worse. But it may be a good thing in the long run.
It certainly got my attention.
So it's about 530pm, just woke up and my husband asks,
"what's for dinner??"
"fruit and water" I said.
"Doesn't french toast and sausage sound good for dinner?" (yes it sounds freaking wonderful)
"NO, I can't eat that stuff, you go ahead, I'll have fruit and water."
<>
"Why can't you eat it?"
"Because I'm a hundred lbs over weight, dear" And thanks for asking....
So he starts cooking next to me as I get all of my ingredients out for my first protein shake.
I do have to give him some credit, he apologized and asked if it was mean to be cooking that stuff while I was trying to "diet". <>
Nope, go ahead. I need to be able to be in the presence of that crap and not be tempted. I was actually pleasantly surprised that my shake was actually pretty good. Maybe it tasted better with the french toast aroma in the air......lol

So, tonight taking Boomer for a walk. Get in a routine walking him...
I WILL go to the gym this week. Depending on what all happens at work tomorrow and how that may imipact my work schedule. I will either go Tues night or Weds during the day. I need to get over the road block keeping me from walking into the gym. I've done it before, just need to start!
Why is that so hard? Once I get going, I'm fine and actually enjoy going to the gym. I really like the way I feel when I'm done. I'm off to pack a gym bag and throw it in the car, so I have no excuses!!

Learn something new everyday.....

Thought this was interesting and thought I would share....

First how I got to this revelation.

So...as you may or may not know, I can drink beer.
No, I mean I can DRINK some beer! Which, now that I think about it, mixed with the love of cheese, bread and potatoes is what got me here. Make all of those things disappear and I would look like a completely different person. Wait a minute, my life would be completely different. In good and bad ways. How sad is that?
I digress....
So I'm sitting here drinking a beer. Log into CalorieKing to log my food etc. I log my beer, because I am being as honest as I possibly can, and now kinda scared to see how many "empty" calories I'm consuming at the moment.
Why doesn't beer/liquor/wines etc companies post on the product the "nutrition" info on the label?
So, I'm scrolling and looking for Michelob Ultra w/Lime, find it, pull it up and....
65 calories/glass. Wait this is only 65 calories? AWESOME!
AND MDG 64???
64 calories/glass. Wow, I'm thinking, pretty cool.
Wait...
What's a glass.
A glass is 8oz. A BOTTLE is 12oz.
So that whole MGD 64 commercial where the bartender has to pore half a glass of wine or whatever, should be pouring some out of the bottle too!
Isn't that false advertizing??
I guess that's why they don't put it on the label.

Another 2lbs thank you very much!

I haven't been logging and blogging, holiday weekend kept me away from the computer.We went camping at the lake. Which was a blast!While I did keep in mind what I was eating....I didn't watch what I was drinking! There was cooking on the grill, floating on the water and fishing...so there was drinking. BUT!I did make sure I drank plenty of water and took baggies of apples to eat instead of munching on chips and what we did eat was pretty good for us. Plus there was some physical activity....badmitton (I don't think I spelled that right) which I haven't played in 20yrs, frisbee and hiking. So it wasn't completely a lost weekend. Anyway, on the way home Monday we stopped and got Wendy's (yuck) and within 4hrs I was sick as a dog. Oh my goodness I have not been that sick to my stomach in forever. Good news is that I'm down 2lbs from last week!Bad news is I don't know if I actually did what I was supposed to as far as my lifestyle change ....or because I got sick, I got to "erase" all the damage I did. But now I'm back on track...even though it's Weds...it has taken me 2 days to recover. I'm ready for the next week!

2 More Please, Thank you!

End of second week of my new journey and another 2lbs gone.
I would like to say that I never want to see those 2lbs again. Like ever.
I'm really amazed at how "easy" this seems to be. I know I'll have bad days, plateaus, etc...but really so far it's really simple.
Took Boomer for a walk again tonight. Literally the 3rd time I've gone for a walk for the purpose of excercise in .... ya I can't remember. While 1/2 mile doesn't sound like a lot, toting around all this weight...it's hard. How sad is that. By the time I got back to my driveway, the muscles in my back right above my hips were burning. I mean, I didn't know if I was going to make it in the house. One of our neighbors passed me and I was trying not to make eye contact, in the fear that the expression on my face was so twisted and wrought with pain that they would avoid us from now on. .....moving on...
So based on my new HRM, I started my timer as I was walking out the door and checked my heart rate, then at every corner I checked it again, when we got back to the house, and then after "cooling down" for about 5 mins checked it again. It read that in 20mins I burned 150 calories. It took me about 12 mins to walk 1/2mile which put me at 2.5mph.
My goal this week is to walk that 1/2 mile at least 3 times. Really watch the food I put in my mouth...not only the calories but want to keep fat under 30%. I've been anywhere between 32-40% for the last 2wks. Surprisingly I've been on target with Carbs, but a little low on protein. I also want to watch Sodium.
What else.....
Oh! Besides that weird butt-back muscle that was killing me, which actually went away as soon as I stopped walking....by the way I don't know if it's because I am not walking correctly or the pain causes me to not walk correctly...I just noticed it tonight. My left foot, I seem to slam it on the ground there is no roll from heel to toe. When I tried to correct, it hurt worse. Hoping that I'm just waking up old muscles that haven't been used in awhile.
I do have the most painful muscles on the top of my thighs. OMG, from walking and squats I've been doing with WII. Geez! It hurts to sit, stand up, push around a chair on rollers!!! I hope they are better tomorrow...
Next weigh in is Monday the 7th

End of Week 2

So far so good!

Tomorrow is my 2nd official weigh in day.
I think I about have this thing figured out.
Ok so you have to figure out, based on age, weight, height, etc. how many calories you have to eat to maintain your current weight. Then set a calorie target that is 500 calories less.
3500 calories = 1 lb
500 x 7days = 3500
Hello!
What I'm still kinda confused on is what if you excercise and you burn 500 calories?? Does that mean you can eat more? Or that you will lose more??
If I eat 500 calories less plus burn 500 calories a day, then I will lose 2lbs a week??
Sounds good to me.

So, yesterday I bought a Heart Rate Monitor, so I can get a true count of how many calories I burn a day. Plus seems to also be an extra motivator for me.
We went to Academy and bought the Heart Rate Monitor and a new pair of running shoes. I came home and took Boomer for a walk. Took me about 11mins to walk .5 miles and burned 143 calories. (I think that was my number)
Then today I got on WII Active and in 25mins burned 240 calories!
I've already clocked(with my car) a goal to walk to the store and back which is 3.5 miles. Might take me awhile to get to that point. But that's my goal!

Keep ya posted!

Monday 24th...part deux

So today was my first weigh in.....and down 2lbs!
I know that doesn't sound like a lot to get all excited about. But it is symbolic...and it's 2 lbs!!
For whatever reason, it's sinking in this time. I've thought about this, now stay with me...
So I'm wanting to lose the weight and get healthy.
- Ok, what's new.....well, this is the 2nd time that I can think of, that I want to or motivated to without having a "reason". Either a trip to the beach or fit into a wedding dress. This is what they mean by doing it for yourself! I get it now.
I also finally get the importance of keeping a daily log.
- For one, it's right there in your face, staring back at you. Once you've logged it, you can't take away that pint of Moolinium Chocolate. It's been logged and everyone knows. It's real, you really just ate that.
So, even though 2lbs is a small step....it's my first step in what I hope to be a life long hike!

Words of Wisdom

This site that I'm using to help get me in line is awesome. There are so many supportive people on it. Just being able to write down your concerns, worries, accomplishments, triumphs, set backs, etc. Then to know someone somewhere, going through the same thing is reading it AND is going to give some helpful words. Almost everyone has a motto or mantra on their site.

I'm going to start listing them here, need them wherever I can get them!!

Both of these really hit home with me. More to come....

"Because its not who you are that holds you back, it is who you think you're not."

"Being over weight is hard, working out is hard...choose your hard"

A couple more....again some of these I'm sure are famous quotes and some are by the people on my new fave site. I don't want to take credit away from them...

"An average meal lasts 20 minutes; a body to be proud of lasts....

.... as long as you let it."

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.~ Maria Robinson

It ain't GymX or Ballys...

Don't judge me...lol

I don't have anything that doesn't look completely hideous to wear to the gym. So...instead of putting it off anymore and making anymore excuses, I had to start moving.
We actually bought a WII Balance Board and the Go Active (or whatever it's called) and Kyle finally got it hooked up in one of the extra rooms.
You know what? It actually hurt and felt good all at the same time. I figure this is better than nothing and losing my motivation. I know it doesn't fully count as a gym workout. But it got my heart rate pumping and I actually broke a little bit of a sweat. Although at this point that doesn't take much.
I figure, if nothing else it will help me stay on track and work my way up to the gym. At least get me on some sort of a routine.
As long as Boomer doesn't trip me!!

1850

Ok I'm starting Calorie King....$9/month. I think will be good to help me track what I should be doing, eating, setting goals, etc.
So far it's telling me based on my ultimate goal weight of 165....my daily calorie target is 1850.

Helpful tool

Search for a food:

Calories, carbs, fat, protein & fiber nutritional information from CalorieKing.

What am I doing?

I will try to find an article, Ann Landers? I think....about making changes "Just for today".
That if you can do it "Just for Today", there isn't the "weight" (no pun intended) or expectation of having to make that change for 6 weeks, 6 months or 6 years.....

I'll post it as soon as I can find it.

This weekend was difficult. I'm not ready to be completely open about my lowest moment...but lets just say it involved an airplane.
But also visited family and it was wonderful, until we were taking pictures of each other and damn those digital cameras...I was able to see myself immediatley, and it was too late to do anything about it.
I don't want to go through that ever again.
I know I can do it. I've done it several times before. But now there is more than ever before to lose. I have all of the excuses in the world.
I got married... (which I guess equals lazy)
I work a "graveyard" shift....
I don't have time....
My husband buys junk food and sodas...
It's too hot...
It's too cold....
It's too much....
It's too hard....

So Just for Today, I won't be lazy, I'll make time, I won't make excuses.

Going to the grocery store tomorrow, going to cook and prepare meals/salads to take to work for the rest of the week. Need to buy clothes for the gym....